Monday, March 8, 2010

Like it was yesterday


It has been 5 years now. It should seem like a long time.
it doesn't.
It seems like only yesterday.
Today I was trying to think of what I could be doing in your memory, being that has been 5 YEARS. - I thought about trudging through the snow at the cemetery since it was such a beautiful day, I thought about Blogging, and I thought about the kids...That was the hardest. It always is. So often (when I am by myself) usually driving to or from work, staying up late at night on the computer, or the aftermath of a holiday get together - I will fall apart wishing I could still hear you.
When report cards came out and Kyle didn't do so hot, I wanted to hear you say there was nothing to worry about, and then we could have complained about his teachers, and you would have assured me that "he'll come on to it, you'll see". I also wanted to hear you congratulate Greg on his outstanding report card and tell him he was " smart just like his old gramp".
Vivian turned 5 this year - one of the last babies you whispered to - she is growing into such a sweet girl and I want to hear you tell me how she reminds you of me. And the fact that you never got to hold Kerrigan at all makes me so sad - you would be getting a real kick out her these days. you'd say "she's a pisser". and get a chuckle.
I didn't go to the cemetery, But I think we were all right where you would have wanted us. Doing just what you would want us to. We were having cake and ice cream to celebrate Grammas 85th and your great great granddaughter's 3rd birthdays. I waited until now - 2:00 in the morning to finally fall apart about it, like I said, I was thinking I should have done something for just you. But Corin reminded me that while we were at the farm today it was nice that we listened to "your music" for a bit. Hopefully you could hear it too....

3 comments:

Mare said...

you have a way with words. you brought tears to eyes, and i didn't even get to know your grampa. i can empathize with you though, as i have lost my grandmother, my cousin, my father and my mother all in the last 8 years.
i miss my father the most, and he's been gone the longest. i don't know why that is.
i hope you can find your memories "joyful" in the coming years. i try to look for those memories that make me smile.
hugs to you!

Jennifer W said...

I can't believe it has been five years. Hod's passing is sort of the time that I started to get to know you and your family better. Watching you and Corin at the funeral home broke my heart, it reminded me of losing my Grampa. I was so un-present for the grieving ritual when that happened and I will always regret it. I was present for the loss of my Gramma and walked through that with some sense of purpose. But I'll always wonder what they would say about my girl. He would call her his "Little Chicken", I know that.

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